The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! » Search Results » Barack+Obama http://omnipotentpoobah.com Sometimes you are the shitee, sometimes the shiter. Thu, 09 Feb 2012 23:51:21 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 When Candidates Don’t Get Video and Audio Tape http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2012/01/27/when-candidates-dont-get-video-and-audio-tape/ http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2012/01/27/when-candidates-dont-get-video-and-audio-tape/#comments Sat, 28 Jan 2012 00:47:25 +0000 Omnipotent Poobah http://omnipotentpoobah.com/?p=6734 Barack Obama for CNN“BARACK OBAMA REPORTING FROM CAPITOL HILL” – Every politician will run afoul of evil video or audio tape. The good ones will get the hang of it and mostly stay off the Daily Show, the bad ones will get virtually bludgeoned on the evening news.

Six years after noted grifter and late Alaska Senator Ted Stevens showed his impeccable technology credentials by likening the Internet to a “series of tubes”, our erstwhile Presidential nominees struggle with the most basic pre-21st Century gadgets. Gadgets like cameras and audio tape. This is a disturbing trend for a gaggle of walking egos intent on becoming the most audio and video-taped person on the planet.

Them’s the Breaks

No candidate is totally consistent in their speeches, especially when their life is one extended press junket. We expect our candidates to have positions on every imaginable issue, but that’s simply not possible. There are far too many and some are too complex for your average Tea Bagger to hear above the “Death to the Obamunist” chants. Questions come by the bushel and candidates sometimes take an on-the-fly position to fill the dead air with something that turns out is wrong, indefensible, and inconsistent with dozens of other stands they take. When you talk for a living, them’s the breaks.

A candidate will repeatedly be excoriated as a flip-flopper if this happens, and there are only two ways to deal with it. If, like Romney, you change positions like a hummingbird with a nectar jones, you claim you never made the statement or were “misquoted”.  Let’s call this the Romney Method. Or, the Gingrich Method, in which the candidate simply labels the questions “stupid” and refuses to answer when they’ve talked themselves into a corner.

But, both methods have a critical technological fault – video tape.  Let’s call this the Jon Stewart Effect.

Misquotable Quotes

Since candidates are publicly paraded like prize ponies it’s likely that when they change course an inconvenient camera or live mic will catch it.  Suddenly the Jon Stewart Effect kicks in. Jon will make a joke accompanied by some video, and then tell another joke accompanied by video showing a 180 degree spin – a move that even the most talented Olympic figure skaters can’t manage.  It’s hard to defend a flip flop or “misquote” when you’re right there on unedited tape flipping and flopping or proving that your “misquote” was really just a “quote” – one that’s undeniably verbatim.

Newt’s method is no better. He can refuse to answer the question, but chances are he’s already on the record facing in a different ideological direction. Invariably, Jon will pick up on it, or worse, the lamestream media – these days, the right wing media – will hand him his ass on a platter. If video technology doesn’t get him, displaying his monumental hubris will reveal him to be the vicious little prick he is. Not a winning strategy, unless he wants to piss on everyone – including current and ex-wives –  often enough they will do anything possible to ruin his self-declared moment in the sun just for shits and giggles.

Campaigners, here’s some advice: Assume every word, thought, and deed – from pillow talk to Iowa pork belly prices – is on tape somewhere. Assume that any contradictions will show up at the most inopportune time. When it does, be prepared to explain in simple words – and this is important…once and only once – that it was an honest change in view of new facts. After that, you said it, you own it, and you better stick to it. There will be no more opportunities to back out on something you’ve clearly said on the record, because, urm, you are ALWAYS on the record. Handle the impact of audio/visual like a technological problem and no one can contradict you, other than you. You can’t compare and contrast a position if there is nothing to compare it to.

READY! ACTION!

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]]> http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2012/01/27/when-candidates-dont-get-video-and-audio-tape/feed/ 0 Newt Gingrich: Leading the Cockroach Ticket http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2012/01/23/newt-gingrich-leading-the-cockroach-ticket/ http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2012/01/23/newt-gingrich-leading-the-cockroach-ticket/#comments Mon, 23 Jan 2012 21:48:29 +0000 Omnipotent Poobah http://omnipotentpoobah.com/?p=6705 Newt's Dick

AND THEN I TOLD MARIANNE… – “Darlin’, I got some serious junk here and there’s just too much of Newt to not share the wealth.”

Newt Gingrich has an ego as big as all outdoors, or at least a big as Donald Trump’s. He’s a historian with only a nodding acquaintance with text book history and his own self-professed place in it.  The other thing Newt has is a propensity for pissing people off. People like voters and political allies in his own party. While this isn’t an altogether useless skill in an election, it isn’t so great when a President has to work with people rather than through them. If cockroaches will survive nuclear holocaust Newt will be right there tossing garbage to them.

Newt and the Bulldog
The Grey One has already screwed the pooch in the opinion of most political pundits. Screwed the bulldog just like The Crazy One, The Pizza Deliverer, Governor Big Hair, and The Unknown Candidate. He’s left competing with The Even Crazier One, The Crazy Little Old Man, and The Moronic Mormon.  As long as evangelicals, pissed off white guys, and the rest of the Ignorati from small, unimportant states vote like lemmings he’ll still be winner take all on pure political gutsiness.

Make no mistake, Newt will become the candidate. I’m not a believer in legislating personal behavior , but a man pandering to values voters while having none of his own isn’t a problem. The values folks vote that way all the time and a little pecker-waving is a small price to pay beating The Messiah (oh, and BTW, when’s he going to show us his birth certificate?). By election time, the Mormon will have as big a reputation for never meeting a position he didn’t like and revealing his birth certificate instead of his 0% tax rate forms will be the least of his problems.

Newt is Newt
Newt will stride across the GOP stage like John McTheusela and try to convince the Republicans that running as President and Vice President at the same time is a good thing. After all, he’s Newt and Newt is more powerful than God. Still, some single-payer corporate grifters will kibosh the idea and force Newt to take on a wildly ridiculous running mate, maybe a Dan Quayle comeback.

The Dems will float a Biden Presidential run because they are just as afraid of Newt as the few thinking Republicans are.  But eventually, The Messiah will clinch the nomination after some public cat herding. Eventually, the Obamunator will win by the skin of his socialist nose after Newt’s hubris trips him up by saying something so weird even the Republicans can’t overlook it – perhaps moving into the White House immediately after his nomination.

Never underestimate the power of a man who can schtup wife two while taking on the Stepford Wife with the bad hair and can explain that the whole thing was Calista’s doing.

Hey, it could happen.

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]]> http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2012/01/23/newt-gingrich-leading-the-cockroach-ticket/feed/ 0 Politicians vs. The Media http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2011/12/28/politicians-vs-the-media/ http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2011/12/28/politicians-vs-the-media/#comments Wed, 28 Dec 2011 19:23:52 +0000 Omnipotent Poobah http://omnipotentpoobah.com/?p=6505
Hail the Angel of Newt

HE'S A SWEET, SWEET ANGEL - Newt likes to say stupid things and then blame the media for reporting on them. Click photo for more Newt Nudes >>

One by one, the Republican presidential field has come to ruination and they’ve blamed the media, or mainstream media (MSM), or Lamestream media in Palinspeak – at every turn.  They are apparently of the mistaken opinion, as was US Senate candidate Sharron Angle, that journalists should only ask questions candidates want to answer. As news consumers and master media manipulators themselves that belief alone should be a disqualification for lack of critical thinking skills.

When faced with proof of their objectionable behavior, they vigorously deny it. Even a world-class nimrod can see that is a surefire strategic loser. In taking that position politicians deny the existence of videotape, reporters’ notebooks, and public records. Oh, and any lick of common sense too. Without these contradictions in their truthy narratives, The Daily Show and Fox News would starve for a lack of comedy gold. And, Newt Gingrich would still be unstoppable and not a fast-sinking nitwit outfitted with concrete overshoes.

When repeated denials collapse under their own weight the fraidy-cat graftmeisters often blame the media for gotcha journalism. The Half-Term Schoolmarm was a master practitioner of this craft – even if it is the least successful strategy of all. When Katie Couric asked her which newspapers or magazines she regularly read she stammered, “All of them”. Unsurprisingly, Couric and the general public didn’t buy that. If you’re running for President of the Free World and you’re tripped up by a question you could have answered with Time, the Wasilla News Weasel, or Reader’s Digest your mind is as nimble as a saguaro cactus with one of its quills on the “noo-cu-ler” football.

She whined and stamped her sensible pumps and said something on the order of, “That was gotcha journalism, you betcha. They wouldn’t have asked Barack Hussein Obama that.”

In fact, they probably wouldn’t have, although he got plenty of equally dangerous questions too.  However in this case, she was rumored to be aggressively incurious, much like George the Lesser. Since escaping his Reign of Error was nigh, it’s a legitimate question to ask about that uncuriosity. After all, you could accuse The Messiah of many things, but being incurious or poorly spoken wasn’t one of them.

I don’t always buy the flip-flopper angle either. There are numerous legitimate reasons to change a position and if you can reasonably explain them you can minimize their damage. But, changed too often – Mitt Romney, I’m talking about you – you are either extremely hypocritical at best or a pander bear at worst.

The media – Hannity, Rush, O’Reilly, and Maddow you are the media too – makes its share of mistakes. But they share a kinship with all politicians and others they cover. When they make a mistake it’s in full view of the public just like when politicians act like stupid lunkheads. Both careers need a certain amount of aplomb that all too often is sorely missing.

And one other thing: perceptions of media bias are one of the few bipartisan things left in America. If the same story, with reasonably consistent facts, gets complaints from both left and right it’s a sign that the bias may be more between your ears than splashed across a screen or paper.

So quit yer bellyachin’ and act like rational adults.

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]]> http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2011/12/28/politicians-vs-the-media/feed/ 0 Six People Who Need Their Heads Popped Like a Zit http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2011/12/16/six-people-who-need-their-heads-popped-like-a-zit/ http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2011/12/16/six-people-who-need-their-heads-popped-like-a-zit/#comments Fri, 16 Dec 2011 21:07:55 +0000 Omnipotent Poobah http://omnipotentpoobah.com/?p=6346

It’s been a rough decade or so for America. One disaster after another. I find it hard to get cranky over anything or anyone anymore and I’m ashamed to say my blog production has dropped off as a result.

People used to say I reminded them of,  “a curmudgeon sitting on the porch, throwing firecrackers at the birds.” Now, I post a number of mildly entertaining pop culture videos or some personal story as often as politics. Even my more cantankerous posts lack the panache of old. Really, I don’t know how Christopher Hitchens managed to get his cranky on, even in the face of death.

But, I still dream of the days when I mustered the strength to pop someone’s head like a zit, to just let the vitriol fly and let the pus-covered words land where they may. That day has come. Let the popping begin:

No. 6: Pat Robertson – Failed Faith Healer and TV Evangiswindler

Pat’s never boring. You can count on him to say things so incredibly stupid he has no credibility as a comic after he says them. Pat, here’s to hoping the Lord God Almighty calls you on the Supertheist Hotline and strikes you popped, like a big juicy one.

BTW, take Michele Bachmann with you as a sort of DIY rapture.

No. 5: Sarah Palin – Failed Reality Show Character and Half-Term Governor

Sarah’s sexy schoolmarm look has worn dangerously thin. No one buys rimless glasses anymore. She’s all but stopped the comic gold Tweets and now can’t even seduce Joe the Plumber into the Tea Party – much less be a Kingmaker for the largest group of knotheads ever to run for public office. Republicans? Michele Bachmann. Really? C’mon.

Sadly, she’s a victim of America’s economic turmoil. After her last reality show tanked, she couldn’t get anyone to pick up her newest TV creation – “reality” life with the First Dood. Who knew salmon fishing could be so…um, uninteresting? Who would’ve imagined that she and multi-baby momma, Kate Gosselin, would both find themself unemployed and downwardly mobile members of the 99.99 percenters?

Hand me that Alaskan hunting knife…POP! Woooo, look at that gunk fly.

No. 4: The Occupy Movement

Michael Moore described the movement as “organic” without seeing the irony that mushrooms grown in shit are organic as well. They have lofty goals, most of which I applaud heartily. However, if you can get 54% of America to agree with you and then shortly thereafter have polls drop like anchors, you aren’t onto a good political strategy. (See Baggers, Failure, Tea)

Word. Stop keeping your enemies close and pissing off your friends (for example, the Longshoremen’s Union). Face it, if there’s one thing 99% of America hates it’s people who camp out on the grass in defiance of the Keep Off the Grass signs. Those pro-watching grass grow people mean business (Use of Deadly Pepper Spray Authorized).

BTW, fewer TV interviews with formerly middle class post-grads who trained for archeology, but now can’t find a job “in their field of study”.  More interviews with people who not only can’t afford Christmas gifts, but food, clothing, shelter, and water too.

Herewith is a group pop, because the movement is so “organic” no single mushroom has emerged from the shit to take one for the team.

No. 3: Newt Gingrich – Deity

When Joe Scarborough says you’re just plain mean and you’re too crazy for Glenn Beck, some self-examination is in order – even if you’re congenitally unable to do it.

Newt has enough skeletons in his closet to fill the Catacombs three times over. He will not get a pass on those, regardless of how above them he feels entitled to be.  He’s now on Wife No.  36, more or less. He’s cheated on the lot of them and is probably grooming Wife No. 37 as we speak. No one believes that he’s really gone over to the God side except the American Family Association, Jim Bakker, and Billy Graham…and he’s almost dead and confused to boot.

Oh, and Joe Scarborough says you are a mean man.

May God have no mercy popping your zit.

No 2. Bill O’Reilly, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh – Media Mavens Who Hate the Media

This one is really too easy, because they are really the same person. Same buffoonery, same  blowhardism, and like Newt, same mean people.

If you have a TV or radio show, website, or both, you can’t talk about the media like it’s some underground nefarious plot by treasonous commies, socialists, or nazis who hate the Hate America First or War on Christmas crowds. Simply put, YOU ARE THE MEDIA YOU MORANS!

Each of you have skin thinner than a condom and egos the size of Donald Trump’s – although most of you have better hair (notwithstanding Rush’s bald pate). This is not an especially endearing combination except with survivalists still looking for Barack Hussein Obama’s “real” birth certificate under a chunk of Kenyan rock, and abortion clinic bombers.

Here’s a huge zit-pop for you.

CAUTION: Readers, please step away from the zit so you don’t get wet. This is a juicy one.

No. 1: Barack Obama – Change and Hope Peddler and World’s Worse Negotiator

He means well. He really does. He believes the whole change and hope thing, but wants to get to it by selling his skin to corporatists and kowtowing to any interest group more powerful than the National Association of Wiener Dogs. He’s also under the misguided impression that bipartisanship actually works. When your opponents say “no” – or worse yet – “hell no” before you even float the infamous trial balloon, bipartisanship is a loser. How many times will he bang his head against this particular rock?

But, the O-Man’s biggest failure is as a negotiator. He bargains like a Rube trying to buy a Ford Pinto with only 3 wheels at Mad Man Dapper Dan’s Pre-Owned, Used Car Lot (“I’d give ‘em away, but my wife won’t let me.”). You don’t tell Dan exactly how much you have in your pocket and then begin haggling against yourself. Clearly, the Pinto will be just a hopeful and change-deprived dream.

True, he’s gotten few things done after a fashion, but his greatest claim to fame may be that he’s infinitely preferable than John McThusela and the Gun Totin’ Moose Mommy. Not a bad accomplishment in its own right.

Sorry Mr. President, but I’ll make this as painless as possible. I hope you can handle the change.

(Quick Stab) little ooze.

Damn! Vitriol feels so damn good. I FEEL ALIVE! ALIVE I SAY!

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]]> http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2011/12/16/six-people-who-need-their-heads-popped-like-a-zit/feed/ 2 The Canonization of George Bush and Barack Obama http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2011/10/26/the-canonization-of-george-bush-and-barack-obama/ http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2011/10/26/the-canonization-of-george-bush-and-barack-obama/#comments Wed, 26 Oct 2011 22:04:30 +0000 Omnipotent Poobah http://omnipotentpoobah.com/?p=5959 Rushmore Asses

AMERICAN HEROES - What do Barack Obama, George Bush, JFK have in common?

For the past few weeks we’ve seen the overheated spectacle of Steve Jobs’ hi-tech canonization. St. Steven of Applevania was described as a great man who single-handedly brought the world into the computer age by inventing self-described “neat things“. His gift for reliably tickling America’s zeitgeist was legendary, though dubiously important. His talent owes a lot to H.L. Mencken‘s quote, “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.”

St. Steve was no doubt a clever man and is owed his due. However, he was no saint. He was a man who refused to acknowledge the child who lent her name to Apple’s Lisa computer. He was a man who believed he was too “special” to put license plates on his car. Some of those on the wrong side of him – and that was apparently an easy place to be – might describe him as a sociopath. Those on his good side were able to bask in his equal “specialness” via a vicarious connection to him.

We Americans often puff up our celebrities like this. We sometimes act as a cult of personality, Mormons included.

Kennedy suddenly went from an unpopular President who managed to create both the Bay of Pigs and the Cuban missile Crisis in about the same amount of time it took Sarah Palin to become a half-term governor. He became St. Jack of Hyannis for tragically being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Still, it could’ve been worse. He might had spurned his many adult lovers in favor of kids like many of the priests in his religion.

The Oracle of Cupertino
Clearly, the Oracle of Cupertino and the Hyannis Hero were men, not Gods.

The canonization of St. Dubya of Bush began even before he left office. Supporters swore history would enshrine his brilliance. The myriad mistakes of war were great wins for democracy. The Great Deregulator couldn’t possibly be the man who enacted more regulations than President Care Bear and his financial policies only strengthened the markets so that damned Obamunist could rend asunder all that George had done.

That’s what makes it so interesting to see how they spin the history of a man who’s still alive. The markets were just fine when George was vacationing at the White House. Obama killed CEOs in their beds, despite Obama following the same or similar polices himself. The “irrefutable” evidence? Record compensation for most of the one percent. Obama “lost the war” despite keeping to a schedule Bush the Lesser had drawn up and even doubled down by adding troops several times. Damn commie!

Throw the Bomb, Run Like Hell
But, Republicans do offer Obama some good advice: it’s your problem now, so shut up and fix things while we stand here and throw some good old-fashioned Molotov cocktails at you ($6 at TGIF’s Soviet Friday Night Happy Hour). Don’t blame us because you signed up for an impossible task. Don’t dare blame us for the problem.

Barack, it’s good advice. Stop blaming them even if it is their fault. They’ll just deny it and the rest of the nation will quickly tire of hearing it anyway. Instead, grasp the Wheel of State, keelhaul those mutineers in Congress. Push the Republican rabble aside and cruise on into the Hope and Change you promised.

If you don’t someone will be rewriting your history soon.

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