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		<title>Randomness: Religion Style</title>
		<link>http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2008/12/14/randomness-religion-style/</link>
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		<pubDate>Mon, 15 Dec 2008 02:25:46 +0000</pubDate>
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		<description><![CDATA[And Unto Diana the Lord Spoke &#8211; Sure it’s in bad taste, but I’m all about leaving a nasty film in your mouth. Can’t Tell the Players Without a Scorecard! &#8211; If only they’d had this chart in Sunday school I might not be an atheist today. So Sayeth the Prophet Pat (Robertson) &#8211; Now [...]]]></description>
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<p><strong>And Unto Diana the Lord Spoke</strong> &#8211; Sure <a title="PRINCESS DIANA BIBLE" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.princessdianabible.com/">it’s in bad taste</a>, but I’m all about leaving a nasty film in your mouth.</p>
<p><strong>Can’t Tell the Players Without a Scorecard!</strong> &#8211; If only they’d had <a title="Religion of Comic Book Characters" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.comicbookreligion.com/">this chart</a> in Sunday school I might not be an atheist today.</p>
<p><strong>So Sayeth the Prophet Pat (Robertson)</strong> &#8211; Now introducing…the <a title="Eastboro Baptist Church" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.godhateseveryoneexceptforus.com/">Energizer Bunnies of Hate</a>! (H/T to <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://hedonisticpleasureseeker.wordpress.com/">Hedonistic Pleasureseeker</a>)</p>
<p><strong>Hef’s New Main Squeeze</strong> &#8211; Wow, I’m really surprised this <a title="Cruci-fix Your Damn Cover" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.tmz.com/2008/12/12/cruci-fix-your-damn-cover/">caused a controversy</a>. Who coulda’ known?</p>
<p><strong>Dancing with the Heathen</strong> &#8211; Yeah, <a title="Like Dancing? Go To Hell! " href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.buzzfeed.com/tweetmeme/315lor7jpg">no dancing dammit</a>! Go bash some gays or something holy!</p>
<p><strong>Everyone’s Least Favorite Dessert</strong> &#8211; There’s more in them <a title="Workers tell of abuse at Cheesecake Factory" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2008/12/01/20081201cr-cheesecake1128copy-CP.html">Cheesecake Factory cheesecakes</a> than cheese. You betcha.</p>
<p><strong>When Pop Culture Poops Out</strong> &#8211; Who can forget the <a title="Where Were They Ever" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.nerve.com/dispatches/nerveeditors/40-Greatest-Lost-Icons-In-Pop-Culture-History/index.asp?page=1">Clinton Underwear Inquisitor</a> or <a class="zem_slink" title="Fawn Hall" rel="wikipedia" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fawn_Hall">Fawn Hall</a>? (<a class="zem_slink" title="Not safe for work" rel="wikipedia" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Not_safe_for_work">NSFW</a> on other parts of the site)</p>
<p><strong>DON’T CLICK THE LINK!</strong> &#8211; See, now we <a title="Internet Warrior" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.uniquedaily.com/internet-warrior/">told you not to</a>.</p>
<p><strong>Now Listen This Time!</strong> &#8211; <a title="The Hoff Up Close and Personal" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://crotchelhoff.ytmnd.com/">DON’T CLICK THE LINK!</a> You’re a slow learner, aren’t you?</p>
<p><strong>Terrorist Deer</strong> &#8211; After all the talk of the moose huntin’ soccer mom, the <a title="Buck strikes back: Deer hunter injured" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.sedaliademocrat.com/news/sedalia_13125___article.html/headache_season.html">wildlife has decided to strike back</a>.</p>
<p><strong>Judge Pisses on the Law</strong> -  It turns out the guy was <a title="Irish judge dismisses drink-drive cases due to urine steam inhalation" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/irish-judge-dismisses-drinkdrive-cases-due-to-urine-steam-inhalation-14088226.html">pissing in his face at the time of the test.</a></p>
<p><strong>Willy Wanker</strong> &#8211; Beware the “<a title="Donkey Willy For Dinner" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.uniquedaily.com/donkey-willy-for-dinner/">cream sauce</a>” and the <a title="Woman allegedly sets fire to husband’s genitals" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.3news.co.nz/Video/World/tabid/313/articleID/83453/cat/272/Default.aspx#video">Balls Flambe</a>.</p>
<p><strong>In Other Food News</strong> &#8211; <a title="Accused killer wanted to be cooked and eaten, court told" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.vancouversun.com/news/Accused+killer+wanted+cooked+eaten+court+told/1033095/story.html">Bone</a> appetite.</p>
<p><strong>Bomb Fall, Go Boom</strong> &#8211; Depending on the location chosen, there’s a certain <a title="Ground Zero" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.carloslabs.com/node/16">perverse satisfaction</a> to this game.</p>
<p><strong>Ick</strong> &#8211; I’m never smearing <a title="Screenclean" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.kn34.com/screenclean.swf">bacon grease on my monitor</a> again.</p>
<p><strong>I’ll Have Root Beer Please</strong> &#8211; Apparently, it’s a highly effective<a title="Obama soda: Profits we can believe in?" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.swamppolitics.com/news/politics/blog/2008/12/obama_soda_profits_we_can_beli.html"> energy drink</a>.</p>
<p><span id="more-919"> </span></p>
<p><strong>Advanced Degrees Here</strong> &#8211; “She’s pretty, has a great personality, and is <a title="Muccavercity" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.emmawilsonsbedroompost.com/muccavercity/">really brainy</a>. She’d be a great date.” (Semi-NSFW)</p>
<p><strong>All Tied Up</strong> &#8211; The beauty! <a title="PUPPETRY OF THE PENIS" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.puppetryofthepenis.com/">The artistry</a>! The breathtaking…um…well…</p>
<p><strong>They Don’t Know Shit from Shine-ola</strong> &#8211; Still, <a title="Crapola" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.crapola.us/">it’s better tasting</a> than the <a title="Breakfast of Champions" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.findinternettv.com/Video,item,1122956188.aspx">Super Colon Blow</a> with chocolate chunks.</p>
<p><strong>Friends Don’t Let Friends Bomb Starbucks</strong> &#8211; Just lay the demitasse cup down and step away from <a title="I took this picture this morning" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.buzzfeed.com/reddit/i-took-this-picture-this-morning-and-it-made-me-w">the espresso</a>.</p>
<p><strong>McGuyver, Eat Your Heart Out!</strong> &#8211; She just loves a man who’s <a title="How to Make a Fire With a Condom" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.urlesque.com/2008/12/02/how-to-make-a-fire-with-a-condom/">good with his hands</a>. It’s a skill that comes in really handy for a <a title="Whisky Flavored Condoms" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.uniquedaily.com/whisky-flavored-condoms/">nice dinner drink</a> around the fire.</p>
<p><strong>Time Heals All Wounds</strong> &#8211; But <a title="Can a Vagina Heal Up and Close? " href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.buzzfeed.com/ries/can-a-vagina-heal-up-and-close-6y">it’s not a wound</a> you frickin’ moron! It can? really?! Oh, I <a title="Instant Virgin" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://favstore.net/instantvirgin/?id=cashlycash">stand corrected</a> then.</p>
<p><strong>After All, Homeland Security Was a Bush Invention</strong> &#8211; I thought <a title="The 7 Dumbest Things Ever Done by Airport Security" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.cracked.com/article_16849_7-dumbest-things-ever-done-by-airport-security.html">the one</a> where they were going to let the guy carrying dynamite go through as long as he turned it on to prove it was safe was dumber.</p>
<p><strong>We Apologize Beforehand</strong> &#8211; “<a title="Collection of Songs That Get Stuck in Your Head " href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.buzzfeed.com/expresident/collection-of-songs-that-get-stuck-in-your-head">Raindrops keep fallin’ in my head</a>…”</p>
<p><strong>Mark Your Calendar</strong> &#8211; I’m willing to give big to <a title="Global Orgasm" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.globalorgasm.org/">help the cause of world peace</a>.</p>
<p><strong>The Horror…The Horror</strong> &#8211; “Hey, who’re you callin’ a pootiehead?! Put my kids tickets down before I <a title="Trouble at Chuck E. Cheese's, Again" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122878081364889613.html">rip yer head off</a>!”</p>
<p><strong>Sticking Point</strong> &#8211; As long as he sticks to <a title="The Avenging Unicorn Toy" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.uniquedaily.com/the-avenging-unicorn-toy/">shanking the mimes</a>, I’m all for it.</p>
<p><strong>Just Another Normal Day</strong> &#8211; <a title="Baron Munchausen" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&amp;safe=off&amp;client=firefox-a&amp;rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&amp;hs=I40&amp;sa=X&amp;oi=spell&amp;resnum=0&amp;ct=result&amp;cd=1&amp;q=Baron+Munchausen&amp;spell=1">Baron Munchhausen</a> I <a title="Weirdest Clip of All Time" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1827177">presume</a>?</p>
<p><strong>The Breakup Song</strong> &#8211; That’s the trouble with women &#8211; <a title="Breakup" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://breakkup.com/">talk, talk, talk</a>. Just get it over with!</p>
<p><strong>She3PO</strong> &#8211; Dude, you really need to <a title="Inventor builds She-3PO robot" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2023392.ece">get away from the computer lab</a> a little more often.</p>
<p><strong>Oops!</strong> &#8211; Here’s hoping the prop man has a <a title="      * Culture     * Stage     * Theatre  Actor slits his own throat as knife switch turns fiction into reality " href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/dec/11/actor-slits-throat">really good alibi</a>.</p>
<p><strong>Ooo La La, Those Clever French</strong> &#8211; What’s next, <a title="The World’s First Energy-Generating Revolving Door" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.inhabitat.com/2008/12/10/energy-generating-revolving-door-by-boon-edam/">heat from baguettes</a>?</p>
<p><strong>Seems Plausible to Me</strong> &#8211; Of course, so does <a title="Port St. Lucie police say Okeechobee man exposed himself to teen girl" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2008/dec/02/port-st-lucie-police-say-okeechobee-man-exposed-hi/">claiming aliens de-pantsed him</a>. But, who am I to quibble?</p>
<p><strong> <img class="wp-smiley" src="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905im_/http://omnipotentpoobah.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_sad.gif" alt=":-(" /> </strong> &#8211; This guy’s a real <a title="Asshole" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1094086/OMG---longer-free-use-Russian-businessman-trademarks-wink-emoticon.html">).(</a></p>
<p><strong>Spuds-a-Poppin’</strong> &#8211; What are the odds that <a title="Weird dildo shaped sexy Potato" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://cgi.ebay.com/Weird-dildo-shaped-sexy-Potato_W0QQitemZ110323817247QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item110323817247&amp;_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&amp;_trkparms=72%3A1205%7C66%3A2%7C65%3A12%7C39%3A1%7C240%3A1318%7C301%3A1%7C293%3A1%7C294%3A50">people</a> thousands of miles apart can truly appreciate our friend <a title="Lebanese finds 'heaviest' potato" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7771042.stm">the humble spud</a>?</p>
<p><strong>Ho, Ho, Ho</strong> &#8211; <a title="Santa with Butt Plug" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.buzzfeed.com/lindseyweber/santa-with-butt-plug-ru">Oh, oh, oh</a>.</p>
<p><strong>Search: Barack Obama</strong> -  Now, for that truly <a title="Blackbird" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.blackbirdhome.com/index.html">African-American browsing experience</a>…</p>
<p><strong>Not So Smooth Criminal</strong> &#8211; Wow, after all these years he still makes a strong play to <a title="Michael Jackson steps out in his most bizarre outfit yet" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1094321/The-Mask-Jacko-Michael-Jackson-steps-bizarre-outfit-yet.html">top himself</a>.</p>
<p><strong>Obligatory Japanese Post No. 1</strong> &#8211; “Brows on brows off, <a title="Missing Idiot: Man Electrocutes Face" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.cameltap.com/?p=5699">the Clapper</a>!” (Semi-NSFW)</p>
<p><strong>Obligatory Japanese Post No. 2</strong> &#8211; Music to <a title="http://www.uniquedaily.com/calling-captain-underpants/" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://omnipotentpoobah.com/wp-admin/Calling%20Captain%20Underpants">soothe the savage underpants</a>?</p>
<p><strong>Obligatory Japanese Post No. 3</strong> &#8211; “Mr. Sand Man, <a title="Scientists develop software that can map dreams " href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/japan/3705790/Scientists-develop-software-that-can-map-dreams.html">draw me a dream</a>…”</p>
<p><strong>Obligatory Japanese Post No. 4</strong> -  Straight from the mean streets of Nagoya, <a title="Japanese Gangsta Rap" href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090421095905/http://www.uniquedaily.com/japanese-gangsta-rap/">EmmCee Fitty Yen</a>.</p>
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