The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! » Search Results » random http://omnipotentpoobah.com Better morning read? Corn flakes box or shampoo bottle? Compare and contrast. Thu, 09 Feb 2012 23:51:21 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Randomness: Random Style http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2012/01/22/randomness-random-style/ http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2012/01/22/randomness-random-style/#comments Mon, 23 Jan 2012 01:27:08 +0000 Omnipotent Poobah http://omnipotentpoobah.com/?p=6687 From Monday morning to Newt and the Power Rangers…from Burning Man to Odin’s beer…and Rachel Bilson too. What more could you ask than another tour through the Poobah’s vault for weird stuff.

Poobah’s Tribute to Monday Morning

Newt’s Secret South Carolina Connection

A Snoozical, Musical, Seussical

Beer, the Nector of the God…Odin

Rachel Bilson Gets All Up in Hollywood and What Not

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]]> http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2012/01/22/randomness-random-style/feed/ 0 Randomness: Sex Terms for Dummies http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2012/01/05/randomness-sex-terms-for-dummies/ http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2012/01/05/randomness-sex-terms-for-dummies/#comments Fri, 06 Jan 2012 01:01:58 +0000 Omnipotent Poobah http://omnipotentpoobah.com/?p=6613 Michele Bachmann may have dropped out but Rick “Governor Goodhair” Perry is still inexplicably hanging on in the GOP race. And, Mitt the Mormon keeps mouthing weak-assed religious platitudes to anyone goofy enough to listen to him. However, he is careful about how loudly he delivers them lest someone pick up the cult meme again.

Newt GingGrinch has gone back to being an evil-tempered heathen because, really, who ever believed his new found piousness anyway? Ron Paul never was on the God train because he’s too busy just being  a damn weird Keebler Elf. And that other Mormon guy, what’s is name? Hunter? Huntmeister? Oh yeah, Jon “Missing an H” Huntsman is too far away from the microphone for anyone to hear what he’s saying.

Whatever happens to these goobs, Rick Santorum is still leading the Change of the Christian Brigade.  No one would describe Rick as sex-savvy, so he’ll need some help talking to the non-Fundy voters out there. Herewith: Sex Terms for Dummies.

51 Words for Vagina

51 Words for Penis

51 Words for Anal Sex (A Santorum Favorite)

 

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]]> http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2012/01/05/randomness-sex-terms-for-dummies/feed/ 0 Occupy Kim Kardashian! http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2011/12/22/occupy-kim-kardashian/ http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2011/12/22/occupy-kim-kardashian/#comments Thu, 22 Dec 2011 19:49:18 +0000 Omnipotent Poobah http://omnipotentpoobah.com/?p=6443
People are famous for many reasons. Sometimes it’s for being noble, sometimes for bringing the funny. There are those famous for being drug-addled train wrecks (Rush Limbaugh, I’m talkin’ about you) and those using their own fat ass to fart forth opinions on how fat another person’s ass is, notwithstanding that said person’s ass is at least 3 times smaller than his own.

But sometimes people become famous for telling the truth. When asked what her greatest claim to fame was, Kim Kardashian said, “I’m the girl with the fat ass.”

Now that’s fresh and funny, yet scathingly truthful. This is a woman who knows her place in the universe. People should be praising the heavens for a woman who provides both comedic relief and a chance for the average American couch potato to feel superior to someone else for once. It’s stress relieving really. Very therapeutic.

But Kim is being made to pay for being a societal relief valve – Kim H8Rs have begun a petition to have her booted off television. I assume these are the same people who showed all the Muslim-lovers out there that Lowes is the devil and not the home of thrifty building materials.

Lowes, Home of Low Prices
The religious zealots sure showed what they were made of though. They boycotted a place willing to sell them building materials at very reasonable prices so they could spend more at Home Depot to build their annual Christmas manger – replete with a real baby and some cows. They’ve couldn’t have sheep because they butchered them for Sunday dinner.

And the butchering wasn’t halal either.

Kim is famous, or infamous, for a variety of things. Besides the big ass, she wears extension, uses too much make up, and has the biggest set of Charlies ever seen on a regular civilian. Charlies, BTW, she uses to great effect on her sex tape and in  the 6.2 million photos taken of her.

The Kardashian/Jenner clan has a tribal structure that makes the Mayans look like amoebas. At the top is stage mother Chris, the instigator of most of Kim’s stunts. Kim listens to her Stage Babby Momma and beds any random guy she can find. She knows it’s good for ratings.

Her 2 siblings come next. The cute one, Kourtney, eschews birth control to pull in the family values demographic and pumps out kids at an alarming rate – to capture the pro-life crowd. And, she does it all while trying to tame her evil hubby with a name no one remembers.

Khloe, the one people claim is a pre-op transsexual, is the relatively sane one. She clops around in hooker boots with the bobs swaying to, fro, and eventually out. But, she also gives sound advice.

“Kim stop screwing/marrying every guy you meet. Or failing that, stop video taping all of them. It’s just gross.”

“Kourt, kick your dumbass husband to the curb and for chrissakes, stop with the babies. The family already has astronomical therapy bills. ”

At the bottom of clan is Bruce Jenner. His place involves copious amounts of bad plastic surgery and being the consummate hanger-on to avoid having to deal with the reality of being a washed up athlete.

Occupy Kim!
But really, why the boycott? Yes, they can be inane and annoying at times – though I like the way mascara runs like rivers when they cry. They have that whole Tammy Faye thing going on. But what’s the harm really? Is it right to ruin the American dream for people whose only escape from reality is to watch an unreal reality show about someone who, except for the big ass, is unreal as well.

Let’s NOT boycott the advertisers, who quite frankly are only indulging in free market capitalism of the type many of this boycott’s demographic espouses. We must stop this unfair action against innocent advertisers. Like regulations, there are far too many boycotts against America’s small businesses. Small businesses like Sears, QVC, both Walmart AND Target, and something named shopbop.com (which sounds like a sort of online Whack-a-Mole store). It’s socialism by God… socialism right here in America. It’s probably because they’re Armenian… and we all know how close Armenians and Muslims are.

So I say it’s time to counter-protest and save one of America’s living treasures. Occupy Kim if you will.

God, I love this country.

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]]> http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2011/12/22/occupy-kim-kardashian/feed/ 0 Billion Dollar Airplanes or Schoolbooks? http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2011/12/21/billion-dollar-airplanes-or-schoolbooks/ http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2011/12/21/billion-dollar-airplanes-or-schoolbooks/#comments Wed, 21 Dec 2011 21:40:35 +0000 Omnipotent Poobah http://omnipotentpoobah.com/?p=6424 Anyone who denies there are big flaws in our military’s procurement practices is light on scruples and probably the CEO of, say, Boeing (among others)… or maybe both.

Anyone who believes that if America had no military the world would live in peace and harmony is suffering from dementia. There’s always disagreement over the list of bad guys, but make no mistake, there are creatively evil people out there. Like it or not, America needs a military that can defend and support our interests. The problem is how we buy it.

Military Spending

Click image for larger >>

The first pig at the barrel is foreign policy. Going off to every piss-hole in the snow costs a lot of money and may ultimately fail anyway. We’re still unraveling ourselves from two unneeded military adventures that, in large part, wrecked our economy. Now, voters expect a peace dividend so the money can flow elsewhere. But it’s not so simple.

Most legislators and corporatists like how big military talk plays at the ballot box. Lost jobs, tax rates, and trying to do right by troops who did what civilian leaders ordered are continuing costs. Costs that proportionately make Medicare look like a game of penny pitching. Iraqistan will cost us for decades.

Military doctrine is also a big driver. The US is equipped for WWIII, not guerilla wars like Afghanistan. Their mandate is to conduct 2 wars simultaneously. That takes lots of people, lots of very expensive equipment, and lots of money to run 0.6 mpg tanks. It ain’t cheap to blow things up.

Congress Says Soldiers Need More Pork Chops
There’s a lot less waste than you might think, not the least of which are the “unfunded mandate”, anti-pork barrel legislators who dangle the pork chops over the Pentagon. Congress sets detailed spending priorities for almost all major military programs – whether they make sense or not. If the military needs a new airplane Congress tells the military whether that is the airplane they want, regardless of whether it’s what the military needs. Almost every major weapons system sends business to all 50 states, regardless if those are the cheapest contractors.

Finally, Monday morning quarterbacking takes its toll. Legislators knowing zip about how to fight a war, along with Congressional and Presidential foreign policies, do their part to jack costs up. Politicians want to use military spending for jobs programs instead of efficient war-fighting, except when something happens. Then, they want to destroy whoever spent all that money on creationism schoolbooks than tanks.

And last, voters make decisions about military spending while knowing even less than Congress or the President. That doesn’t stop them from meddling with the process though.

Save a Penny, Spend a Penny Isn’t Always Smart
This chart shows some sample costs and what we could buy if we weren’t buying weapons. However, the list includes some items that may make a stronger case with a bit more information. A few examples:

  • Equipping soldiers – This isn’t the amount for every soldier. It’s an average across all soldiers. Depending on the mission, expenses vary greatly. Special forces soldiers cost considerably more than cooks. But regardless, we ask all troops to do more and more per person. There are no more soldiers that just tote rifles, they’re all multi-tasking like never before.
  • Abrams tanks – The US is scaled for large, Cold War missions. You need a lot of tanks for huge land battles, not so many for hunting terrorists in caves. We need a lot of tanks because the military still has a Congressional mandated mission to conduct both a large-scale war and a guerilla war.
  • B-2 bombers – A billion per is astronomical by anyone’s standards. However, the B-2 uses state of the art technology and there are relatively few of them. This is another weapons system with manufacturing work spread all over hell and back. Finally, the B-2 is for large-scale WWIII Wars. It was designed to carry nukes against well-equipped adversaries. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to risk your billion dollar airplane bombing a place like Baghdad where there wasn’t much chance of being detected in the first place and defended by people firing guns randomly into the air in hopes of downing one. We could have evaluated whether current airplanes could do the mission, whether we needed as many as we bought, and whether our anticipated adversaries had much of a defense against them.

Let’s face it, people like to see things blow up and if the military does anything, it blows things up very well. We’re a very shock and awe country. Compare a Bruce Willis movie where Bruce torches a skyscraper to a film depicting Bruce building the tower. It’s not even a close call.

Despite what many people believe, governing is an expensive, complex task. It takes knowledgable people who listen to the professionals (not manufacturers who aren’t necessarily pros) and not make it up as they go along. You must weigh the facts actually related to the task so you can make  better decisions. It’s not the place for toxic partisanship. Unfortunately, critical thinking skills are scant among politicians and voters.

Sadly, America has reached the point where the process drives spending  instead of people driving it.

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]]> http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2011/12/21/billion-dollar-airplanes-or-schoolbooks/feed/ 0 Randomness: Merry Holidays Style http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2011/12/17/randomness-merry-holidays-style/ http://omnipotentpoobah.com/2011/12/17/randomness-merry-holidays-style/#comments Sat, 17 Dec 2011 18:03:28 +0000 Omnipotent Poobah http://omnipotentpoobah.com/?p=6371 There are a thousand Christmas stories in the Big City and quite frankly I hate them all. However, for some inexplicable reason other people like jamming themselves into stores the size of Montana, coping with the terminally chipper, and fruit cake. Just consider this my BigLots-style holiday gift to everyone.


SING IT ON HIGH – Hot Pants are the must-have gift this Christmas holiday season

The Poobah Family

MERRY FESTIVUS - Happy holidays from the Poobah family

Good Eatin'

UMMM! - The Three Wise Men thought they saw a star over the manger, but it turned out to be the oven light


STOP BRO CRUELTY! – We’ll be back right after this message from our sponsor

Looking Bad

STOP! - Knock it off, you're making the rest of us look bad

Merry Frickin' Christmas

HUMBUG! Merry Frickin' Christmas you tool

Hillbilly Santa

HILLBILLY HOLIDAY - "...V-Dub with your hood so bright, won't you pull my sleigh tonight..."

ZZZZZZZ

BOOM CHIKA WOW WOW - Heh, heh, heh...Santa LIKES

Poop Santa

BIG HOLIDAY SALE! - Get on down to the North Pole Mall for big savings on fertilizer and everything else you need to spruce up your house for the holidays

Blurry Christmas

HAPPY HOLIDAYS - Blurry Christmas to all and to all a good hangover


And now for the big finish

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