GRUNT...GRUNT...UHHHHH! - There are two things you should never watch, sausage making and sausage digesting. Clik photo for more >>

Dispatches From the Land of the Rising Sun

• Building constructed by the Japanese subsidiary of Flat Bush Construction Co.
• I can’t say I agree with NH politinut Nick Levasseur when he  said,  “Anime is a prime example of why two nukes just wasn’t enough.” But, two nukes dropped on Hello Kitty in a remote area? Then, he’d have something.
• If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it must be a human.
• It seems as if somebody’s been hittin’ the ol’ saki a little too hard lately.
• Man Smell Gum: Curiously juicy.
• It was clear to observers that Tiger Woods still struggles with his sex addiction.
• Yeah, those are pretty cute tricks, but let’s see how you do with some REAL farm products…like cows perhaps.

When Electromechanical Devices Attack!

• Personally, I find a photo of a robot giving you one lump instead of two a bit distressing.
• I wonder if they serve robot sushi in this place?
• The Japanese do have a knack for building real virtual babes.
• CURSE YOU STEVE JOBS! See what your stupid iPhone hath wrought.
• Klaatu barada nikto!

Capitalism: Nailing Two Random Things Together to Sell for a Buttload

• Hasn’t your pet suffered enough indignity by eating its own crap or rolling on a dead pigeon?
• It just goes to show you that the nice industrialist next door can be just as racist as your everyday Teabagger.
• “Uses safe sub-dermal implants!” Well, I should hope so.
• Golden crap, for the man who has everything.
• Monty Python‘s Spam Song just wouldn’t be the same with unicorns.
• More proof that iPhones will be the death of society.

Just Your Every Day WTF

• There’s just something wrong about that Miley Cyrus kid that I can’t quite put my finger on.
• At times, Rick found working in the prison license plate shop boring, but luckily there was the occasional special order.
• The new Jeep gets an efficient 3 inches per 600 gallons.
• After Jamil stayed on the back of a camel for three weeks, Dolly looked pretty good. Interesting True Fact: The most popular search on this blog is “horse sex” and odder still is that more than 80% of the searches come from the Middle East. Just sayin’.
• T’was a wise woman indeed that imparted these words… Always Aroused Girl
• Even insects realized Billy was a little effeminate.
• I’m sorry Susan, that’s just bathtub ring.
• CAUTION: Use of this product by complete morons is strictly prohibited. P.S. Watch out for paper cuts from this warning label.
• Hah! And they say trans-fats are dangerous.
• Proof the Jesus Christ-ians don’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to Darwinism.
• Yet another reason the Dove Awards never caught on.

Crime, It’s Not Just for the Smart Anymore

• In hindsight, Daniel realized his idea was bad, but at the time it just seemed so damned good.
• In Alaska, it’s illegal to look at a moose from an airplane, but as Sarah Palin proved, it’s OK to shoot a wolf from one.

Ooooo, Daddy Liiike

• Watch out lady, you could put someone’s eye out with those things!
• The older John got, the less he could tell whether women were getting kinkier or he was getting weirder.

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ONE'S AS BAS AS THE OTHER - Sexual scandals hit both parties equally. This time it's Michael Steele and the Republicans, next week it will be a kinky Democrat with the self control of Tiger Woods or Jesse James.

Shameless self-promotion for my post  At the Tipping Point Between Free Speech and Deadly Speech. The Hartford Courant gave it a shout out and made some excellent points on the same topic. They also expanded the use of one of my favorite words, “crapweasel”. You can’t ask for any more than that.

Now, back to today’s post already in progress.

Tip O’Neill, former Speaker of the House, once said, “all politics is local”, but in today’s heated and converging political grudge matches it’s also correct to say, “all sexual politics is local”.

Gay marriage? Some states are on the bandwagon. Some steadfastly refuse. Others are rethinking previous positions and ballot initiatives on the issue. Meanwhile, gays flock to states to join together in unions that some men still try to put asunder and wait to see if their own states will recognize what they’ve done.

One step forward 1.5 steps back as they say.

Gays in the military? The Obama administration is finally thawing their tepid policy to pay back an important political chit donated by most of the nation’s gays – though not as fast as they’d hoped.

A Homophobic Teddy Roosevelt and His Rough Riders
The pro-discrimination side charges the San Juan Hill of the issue like a band of rough riding, homophobic Teddy Roosevelts. Even the Joint Chiefs and other top brass can’t agree. Ex-General John Sheehan accused the Dutch army of genocide in Srebrenica and blamed it all on “the gays”. He now finds himself apologizing over the international incident under threat of a lawsuit.

Change of heart? Don’t be surprised if it’s merely a case of hypocritical mega-embarrassment and big legal bills.

Over on the other side, the Secretary of Defense is loosening restrictions. Other generals are jumping aboard a bandwagon most other industrialized nations are already on and there is growing support in the electorate.

Many of those opposed to sexual rights – like South Africa’s electric probe wielding, alleged gay soldier-curing “Dr. Shock” – are clearly as full of sexual self-loathing as Ted Haggard. But ironically, the latest hetero sex scandal is a good illustration of how gender and politics frequently try to occupy the same place in America.

A Republican National Committee staffer treated some Young Eagle donors to a night of bondage a-go-go after an official RNC event. That’s pretty heavy stuff from the party of running away from regular sex like the plague, then jumping into a private jet (probably on loan from a bank or insurance company) to escape kinky sex. Gay sex? They take a rocket to the closest toilet stall.

Young Eagles Take Flight on RNC Dime
Personally, I don’t care if Young Eagles like the occasional ball-gag or lesbian flogging session. It’s their business to choose what they do in the privacy of a strip club. I also don’t care that the RNC spent money on it, except to the extent that it helps show a pattern of hypocrisy – oh, and because it makes fools of them too.

The Whitest Black Man in America, RNC “leader” Michale Steele, claims he knew nothing about the incident and fired the staffer as soon as he found out. Good. They guy should be fired.

However, because Steele was at the helm he should also accept responsibility to do like every other business in the nation does and instruct employees to not  be $2000 worth of strip club stupid. Other Republicans are emerging from their undisclosed locations where they’re hiding from the hypocrisy to flame the unpopular Steele. This may be the straw that breaks his back.

Let’s face it, both sides have these incidents. Both sides hide their embarrassment, but ignore it long enough to go do the same things as soon as the scandal du jour blows over. Both sides demonstrate the stupidity, critical thinking skills, and general ass-hattedness of Tiger Woods or Jesse James. Sooner or later idiotic behavior catches up to them – usually in horrific embarrassment, divorce, and career ruination.

Ye reap what ye sew.

These examples happen to be Republican, but Dems shouldn’t cackle too loudly. They’ve been caught – and will continue to be caught – in similar situations. The nation has its hands more than full with real problems and can ill afford to spend so much time trying to legislate moral issues. Sex should concern no one other the folks doing it.

It’s time to leave TMZ to embarrass the knotheads if they persist in being ignoramuses and keep our noses out of it.

Related articles

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• The RNC: Risque National Committee (washingtonmonthly.com)
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GIANT BABY HEAD - When they're awake they're nothing but big cry babies. Click photo >>

How Can You Govern a Country With 246 Varieties of Cheese? – C. De Gaulle

• You can’t beat a a nice boobie brie and a fine bottle of wine.
• In Judge Warriner’s defense, Tillamook cheddar does make a bitchin’ grilled cheese.
• Crime: Assault with a deadly cheese ball.

True Crime That Makes You Feel Superior

• There are some things you shouldn’t have to tell people. Don’t shave your balls while driving is one of them.
• Worcestershire sauce, as good on your head as it is on burgers.
• The food at Chicken Hut is to die for.
• En guarde you bookish thugs.
• If you do the crime, you’ve got to do the time…even if it is a goat.
• Just one package of Breathe Right strips would’ve been enough to avoid this tragedy.
• The murder was commited at the airfield by Col. Mustard with a gyrocopter.
• It’s spring break time again.
• Toni, be careful. You could put somebody’s eye out like that.
• If there was one thing George W. Bush proved, it’s that frat boys are not often known for their common sense.
• I suppose this means backseat poll dancing is out of the question.
• The obvious joke here would be that he hid, “some really good shit“.

All-Consuming Consumerism

• Nothing says high fashion like wearing turds on your ears.
• The Harlem Globetrotters aren’t going to like this one bit.
• By comparison, Sarah Palin’s entourage made real locusts look like mild-mannered gardeners.
• Smoking products for the truly lazy.
• Yes, I too have taken refuge under a handy breast from time to time.
• You know you’ve invented something truly useless when the only thing you can think to call it is Transformable Interior Object.
• Ooooo, those crappy strappy shoes are to die for!
• If you buy this, make room in your junk closet right next to the panini maker, because you’ll never use it.
• Men may be from Mars, but women are from the psych ward.
• The stockings aren’t so bad, but the idea of previously worn panties brings an unpleasant picture to mind.
• I often suggest people keep Ann Coulter books and coyote urine on hand. You never know when you’ll need to throw some piss at her.
• It may cost $76 gajillion, but your kid will love it when he’s shoveling driveways at 10 bucks a pop.
• Sure, it’s a handy gadget, but women still can’t write their names in the snow.
• I’m beginning to think there has been irreparable damage to the Tiger Woods brand.
• They’re the most popular candy in Saudi Arabia.

FILL 'ER UP - The best waaaay of waking up is a robot with a cuuuup! Click photo >>

Robot-O-Land

• I wonder if this robot can play the theme from Lost in Space?
• To keep development costs under control, engineers carried their system optimization phase a little too far.
• Honda shows off its “Hondots“.

Square Pegs Seeking Round Holes

• Regardless of what they say, everyone loves a good fart joke.
• What?! Are you drunk?
• It’s Raining Men was a big hit for the Weather Girls, but somehow their next song It’s Raining Fish, never caught on.
• Billy loved AC/DC, but quickly found out the mosh pit was a little dangerous.
• It’s a little known historical fact, but Benjamin Franklin suffered the same fate when he peed on his kite string.
• It took Joe a few minutes to realize the SpatSolver had nothing to do with cleaning up spit.
• Jane thought she’d filed the production reports under miscellaneous.
• No doubt there’s a really good story behind this picture.
• CAN-A-DA! CAN-A-DA! CAN-A-DA!
• Bank of America seized the house. Then, the CEO ordered it sold so he could buy that new yacht he had his eye on.
• What CEOs do when they don’t get their quarterly bonus…
• Inga always tucked into a heaping helping of hakari for Christmas dinner.
• Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t.

The Inscrutable Secrets of Japan

• The Japanese really love their chocolate…a lot.
• A well-groomed cat is a psychotic cat.
• Officials said there was no way to predict the earthquake because sushi chefs ran amok on the beach beforehand.
• Sometimes it seems as if the Japanese have way too much time on their hands.
• C’mon Tim, it can’t be that bad can it?
• Let’s just get it over with a shove a probe up everyone’s ass.
• It’s sad when Japanese kids become wannabe gangstahs.

Pop Culture Without the Fizz

• It’s a timeless question, “Ginger or Mary Ann?”
• Um, that’s a little TMI isn’t it?
• In the annals of unfortunately-named websites, Poopy Lickles and Mr. Poop were Hall of Famers.
• Sometimes it seems everyone is a fashion critic.
• Getting into heaven is easy, just butter up The Big Guy.
• Lee Jin-gyu wanted to support marriage freedom so he’s petitioning to put his Defense of Inanimate Object Marriage Act on the ballot.
• Claire believed herself to be truly lucky that she’ll be able to make a Marmite sandwich when the rapture comes. And word to the wise, The Big Guy likes a nice BLT.
• RUN! The Twinkie Borg have returned! to Karl Elvis.

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IT'S HOWDY DOODY TIME - Despite his successful early career, Howdy fell on hard times and ended up living on the streets. More>>

Book ‘Em Danno

• In the middle of the gun fight, Fat Murphy pulled his dildo and fired!
• When Jimmy saw the story on the news he figured it was only a matter of time.
• Jorge may have been serving 13 life sentences for kidnapping and armed robbery, but he wasn’t a perv.
• Put down the doughnut and step away from the car!
• Police only have one suspect in the crime, a Delaware resident, Mr. Joe Biden.
• Even though he was 38, Abel still believed in the Easter Bunny.
• Slap my ass! Slap my ass!
• I just KNEW there was a secret to why they always land on their feet.
• Ladies and gentlemen, please turn off all portable electronic devices until we’ve reached our cruising altitude at the end of the street.
• Some people considered Stephen to be a little slow at learning.
• “Perverting the course of justice” seems like the right charge to me.
• Have a heart. Gilligan just wanted the Skipper and Mary Anne to know he finally made it off the island.
• Lynn was well-known as a strict disciplinarian.
• After an initial experiment using Styrofoam peanuts, the good citizens of Somerville Road struck on just the right protective measures.
• Kurt’s fetish started after Marge Simpson appeared in Playboy.
• Officials charged David B. Hanna after discovering he didn’t have a carrying permit for small arms.

Robots, Robots, and More Robots

• She’s the best girlfriend a young, virginal nerd could ever have.
• Do androids really dream of electric sheep?

The Japanese Are the Super Race

• In all fairness, she didn’t notice the woman because she was texting, applying makeup, and reading War and Peace in the original Russian at the time.

Imponderables

• After questioning, police confirmed that Mr. Deo was not impersonating Mr. Dios and there would be no resurrection forthcoming.
• Yeah, who didn’t see this coming – Snookie giving up the nookie.
• In the southern hemisphere, they turn counterclockwise.
• Wow! That’s some sexy shit!
• Rocky XXI – Pumpin’ the Cheese.
• With the state of the economy being what it is, it’s was a real accomplishment to land such a prestigious part-time job.
• Verizon has the nation’s largest 3-Tree network.
• He likes you, he really likes you!
• Comcast may be buying NBC, but they aren’t getting a whole lot for their money.
• What it looks like in Marilyn Manson’s backyard.
• The Democrats have a donkey, the Republicans have an elephant, and the teabaggers have…
• It was like a religious civil war, Westboro vs. Eastboro.
• One out of a gazillion doctors recommends smoking to treat Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease.
• As soon as the CEO discovered the problem, he gave himself a $6 billion bonus and left by private jet for his estate in France confident his was a job well done.
• They can tell with certainty that gay marriage is illegal, but romance? This they can’t figure out?
• The job pays well, but it lacks the potential for career growth.
• Sure, it hurt like hell, but he vowed to play through the pain.
• When they changed their name, they briefly considered calling it Modern Moose Knuckle.
• SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!  ACTION, ACTION, ACTION! It’s a battle royale, an etymological grudge match! McThusela vs. Snookie!
• The crew over at Punked chortled madly when they played the prank on Rachel Ray.
• Naked scanning was OK, but the anal cavity search was a bit too intrusive.
• Awful offal ready to stuff again.
• It was bad, but there were still lower levels of mercury than in Dasani.
• Humans can be proud of their mastery of technology.
• It could’ve been worse. It could’ve been his tongue.
• The little prick has a little dick. Whutchu talkin’ ’bout Willis?
• Guano-a-go-go! Next on Oprah!
• Devoted WM fan, 48, looking for dominating Ticketmaster with a penchant for tailgating and amateur surgery.
• Hey, he was just heading home for a chicken dinner and sex.
• And the top ridiculous thing people believe…George W. Bush was a great President!
• EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! Bouncing Boobs Banned in Brisbane!
• Gye’s attempt to beat the high cost of a Bluetooth headset suddenly went awry.
• Political analysts were fairly sure Laiacona had weathered worse sex charges against him during the campaign.
• That’s some good shit man! Some really good shit!
• Headline: McKenna Faces Chuck Frankenstein in Tough Runoff Election.
• Announcing OllieAir Flight C-123 with service to Tehran, Washington, and Managua! This is a crowded flight, so make sure your small arms are stowed safely in the overhead bins or under the seat in front of you.

The Triumph of the Free Market

• The phone battle is heating up between Apple and Google.
• Yeah, we got an app for that. 
• Remember, apply them just before they put you in the clink for extra fun!
• Required equipment for Tiger Woods’ caddy.
• It’s just the app for when your reception is poor.
• Don’t be fooled by the gangsta style. Tupac wouldn’t be caught dead in a pair of these ugly ass things.
• The show was enough to give the techno-goobs a huge orgasm.
• Sometimes I’m so ashamed of American culture.
• All that stuff is really in there? No wonder it smells like ass.
• Does the world really need another kitschy USB drive?
• Has anyone else picked up on the smell of roast meat?

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CAUTION, OBVIOUS SIGHT GAG - "Would you look at the rack on her!"

Random Randomness Randomly Randomized

• The good ones always get away, don’t they?
• You just gotta love the Finns.
• With an economy this awful it’s tough out there for a dick.
• We’re hoping this interview style doesn’t catch on with Bill O’Reilly, even if he does use a strategically-pladce loofah.
• You can’t get more random than this, “Furry Paris Hilton kisses elvish tit while Lindsay Lohan pwnz teh jackass’s throat.”
• The Geico Gekko tried it, but his face stuck in the AFLAC position.
• Creationism is too a valid scientific concept!
• Oh Madge, we miss your witty prose so.
• Good God! Make it stop before I rip the eyeballs from my head!
• Ah, the old Tower of Budz Trick!
• Curses! The band geeks somehow got on-stage and hijacked graduation.
• The Three Wise Men came bearing gifts of gold, frankincense, and urrrp.
• They were going to do a “Worst of Wikipedia”, but there was just too much matierial to cover.
• It started out as such an innocent idea and then turned into statistician porn.
• Barack Obama has announced a new bite-partisan agenda last week.
• This site presented with apologies to Tori Spelling and Kurt Vonnegut.
• “When the going gets weird, the weird write a letter.”
• If this is The Departure of the Witches, where do I go to bum a ride?
• How do I wed thee, let me count the ways.
• So, Tori Spelling is available on HSN. I wouldn’t pay much for her.
• I’ve always wanted my own number. It would make me feel all cozy and loved.
• I don’t care what you say, I don’t want to see the videos of the wedding night.
• A site for those wanting to have their asses kicked by the football team one more time before they graduate.
• Barry White eats these by the ton.
• Winner of the Silver Sow Award for excellence in farm reporting.
• It had to happen one day.

Domo Arigato

• It seems every nation has its lowest common denomiator.
• It was a slow Saturday afternoon at the karaoke bar when the shy businessman decided to git jiggy wid it.
• Somehow, this is all strangely arousing.
• Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. Forget it already.
• Well, HELLO DOLLY!
• OK, who pissed in the wine?

Proof the American Consumer is Batshit Crazy

• I’m guessing Tiger Woods is wishing some of his misstresses were biodegradable right about now.
• Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the best environmentalist of them all.
• You know you’re a real stud-muffin when…
• Hmmm, think of the possibilities.
• That’s funny, a $117 million quarterly bonus does it for me.

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